The goal was never to avoid another broken heart…
Not long ago, I had two conversations with women I work with. Both totally different women and living different stories…but somewhere in those conversations, I found myself coming back to something that has become such a profound part of my own life and the medicine I bring into my work:
The goal was never to avoid another broken heart.
The goal was to become the kind of woman who would keep choosing life anyway.
And I think this is something that we sometimes too easily push aside, because we spend so much of our lives trying to protect ourselves from what we don't want to experience. From rejection, disappointment, abandonment, failure, heartbreak, and from having to feel something we don't know how to hold.
And sometimes we become so f* good at protecting ourselves that we don't even recognize how much of our lives we've organized around making sure we never have to feel certain things again.
Until one day, something happens that makes you realize just how much of yourself you've been holding back.
What if life was never supposed to protect you from every feeling?
When our daughter Anna Sophia died, something happened that I could never have prepared myself for. There was no amount of intuition, spiritual work, love or trust that could have guaranteed a different outcome. And looking back I know this is one of the most confronting realities we can face…
Because what happens when you've spent years building a beautiful relationship with yourself, learning to follow your intuition, trusting life and believing in what is possible...and then life breaks your heart in a way you never imagined possible? What do you do with all that trust?
I could have decided that opening my heart wasn't worth the risk anymore. That trusting life was something for women who hadn't yet experienced how cruel it could be. That maybe…it was better to keep a little part of myself protected. A little less available and a little less invested in what might happen next.
But something in me knew that wasn't the life I wanted to live. I don't mean that I suddenly became this incredibly courageous woman who woke up every morning choosing love and pleasure with a smile on her face.
There was grief.
There was numbness.
There were moments when simply being in my own body was overwhelming enough.
And as I've shared in the first part of this series, it took me quite some time to recognize how much more carefully I had started moving through certain parts of my life. But underneath all of that, there was still this deep knowing: I didn't want the rest of my life to become an attempt to protect myself from life.
I wanted to live and not just live in a way that looked good from the outside. I wanted to be available for all of it again.
Love, pleasure, adventure, money goals and all the extraordinary things I still wanted to create. And yes, even the vulnerability that comes with having something, or someone, you love that much.
Because what is the alternative? To love a little less, just in case? To desire a little less, so disappointment won't hurt as much? To never fully receive the beautiful things that are here, because you know they might not always be?
That's not the life I want.
Beyond protecting yourself from feeling
I see this in so many different ways in the women I work with.
❤️ The woman who finally has a beautiful, safe relationship but finds herself holding something back, because somewhere inside her she still remembers what happened the last time she trusted a man.
❤️ The woman who knows her business is ready for something extraordinary, but keeps looking for another strategy, another guarantee, and another sign that she's making the right decision.
❤️ The woman who has experienced profound loss and wants to love life again, but feels how vulnerable it is to allow herself to want something so deeply.
❤️ Or the woman who has already created extraordinary success, yet finds it difficult to truly relax into what she has built.
And I think this is where the conversation about healing, manifestation and expansion often misses something essential: Because what if the next level isn't about becoming better at making sure nothing unwanted ever happens?
What if it's about becoming more available to your own life? Not because you've stopped having boundaries or because you ignore your intuition or allow people to hurt you. But because you no longer need to make avoiding every uncomfortable feeling the foundation of your decisions.
❤️ You can allow yourself to fall deeply in love without demanding a guarantee that your heart will never be broken.
❤️ You can follow your intuition into a new chapter of your business without needing to control every detail of how it will unfold.
❤️ You can create extraordinary wealth without turning your entire life into an exhausting attempt to make sure you never lose any of it.
You can allow yourself to be seen, desired, successful, loved and fully expressed. Even when some of that feels incredibly vulnerable. Because being available to life doesn't mean you'll never feel fear, grief or uncertainty again.
It means those feelings no longer have to make every decision for you.
Sometimes you don't need to go higher…you just need to go deeper.
And here's something I've witnessed over and over again in my work: a woman can create an extraordinary life and still not know how to fully receive it.
She can build a seven-figure business and still feel that she needs to work harder, prove more or keep controlling everything to make sure it doesn't disappear.
She can finally have the beautiful, safe love story she's always wanted and still notice how much of herself she's holding back when a man genuinely wants to adore her.
And we can keep telling her to expand. To think bigger. To manifest more. To become the next version of herself. But what if becoming more isn't what she needs right now? What if she needs to become more available to what’s already here?
This is why I have such a problem with spiritual work that keeps pushing women into more and more expansion without ever really including their bodies in the experience.
Don't get me wrong...I'm all for expansion. Give me the extraordinary love story. The seven-figure business. The beautiful home. The generational wealth. The pleasure, the freedom and the kind of life that makes you wake up thinking, holy shit, I get to live this.
I love alllllllllll of it.
But I'm not particularly interested in another conversation about ascending into some higher dimension while the woman sitting in front of me can barely feel what's happening in her own body. Because I've lived both sides.
I've experienced the kind of darkness that changes your understanding of life. And I've experienced extraordinary love, success, pleasure and abundance. I had to go through the darkness to get there, and through the highs to learn how to hold it.
And one of the things my own journey has taught me is that creating something beautiful and being able to fully receive it, aren’t necessarily the same thing.
❤️ You can build an incredible business and still feel that you have to keep proving yourself.
❤️ You can find the love of your life and still notice yourself preparing for something to go wrong.
❤️ You can have more freedom than you once imagined possible and still struggle to let yourself enjoy it.
Sometimes all the personal development work in the world won't change that if you're continually moving past what you're actually feeling. Because I'm not interested in helping a woman create another beautiful life that she has to disconnect from herself to maintain.
I want her to be able to feel it. Receive it and live it. So sometimes that means we don't go higher. We go deeper…into the body. Into the places where she's learned to protect herself. Into the parts of her that may still be living according to a reality that no longer exists.
Not because there's something wrong with her, but because her body deserves to be part of the extraordinary life she's creating.
Not dragged along into another expansion, pushed to open before she's ready, or treated as another problem to fix before she can finally have what she desires.
But welcomed into the life she's creating.
With all her wisdom, her pleasure, and her capacity to feel.
This is a huge part of why my work is so deeply connected to the body. Why I don't believe in bypassing what is there in the name of growth. And why I'm just as interested in how a woman experiences the success she's created…as I’m in how she created it in the first place.
Because what is the point of building an extraordinary life if you're never truly available to live it? I want women to create and receive success that doesn't just last for a season. But success, love and abundance that change how they live, how they love, how they lead and what becomes possible for the generations after them.
The courage to receive a life you can’t control
I think somewhere along the way, we started confusing trust with certainty.
❤️ As though trusting yourself means always making the right decisions.
❤️ As though trusting life means things will unfold exactly as you imagined.
❤️ As though being deeply intuitive should somehow protect you from ever experiencing heartbreak, disappointment or loss.
But that's not what trust has come to mean to me. I still trust my intuition. I still believe in following my heart and allowing life to surprise me. And I still have big, outrageous desires for everything I want to experience, love and create.
Perhaps bigger than ever…but I no longer confuse my willingness to trust with a promise that everything will happen the way I want.
I've lived too much life for that and there’s actually something incredibly freeing in this. Because when you stop needing life to guarantee that you'll never feel heartbreak again, you can begin to relate to your desires differently.
You don't need to hold them so tightly. You don't need to negotiate with life about exactly how and when everything must happen. You don't have to make yourself smaller just because you've discovered how much something can hurt when it doesn't unfold the way you hoped.
You can still want it, pursue it and open your heart all the way…and you can trust yourself to remain connected to who you are, even when life takes you somewhere you never expected to go.
That doesn't mean everything suddenly becomes easy. It doesn't mean the grief disappears or that there won't be moments when you need to close the door, rest, feel or simply have enough of your own company. I certainly know those moments…but it does mean that those moments don't have to become the boundaries of the life you're willing to experience.
I want all of it
Looking back at the woman I was before Anna Sophia, and the woman I've become since, I can see how much has changed…and how much has remained beautifully the same.
❤️ I still want the extraordinary life.
❤️ I still want to create incredible wealth, have ridiculous adventures, laugh until my stomach hurts and feel completely, unapologetically in love with being me.
❤️ I still want to take risks.
And I want to do all of that as the woman who knows what it means to lose something so precious that no amount of money, love or spiritual wisdom could ever replace her.
I don't have to choose between those two women and I get to be all of her. The woman who knows grief and the woman who knows pleasure.
The woman who can sit with the deepest darkness and still recognize the extraordinary beauty of being alive.
And the woman who isn't interested in playing small simply because life has shown her that she can’t control everything.
Perhaps that's one of the greatest gifts of truly learning to trust yourself. Not knowing that everything will always work out the way you want, but knowing that you don't have to abandon yourself, your heart or your desire to live when it doesn't.
And at the end of this blog, that's the invitation I'm offering you too.
Not to become a woman who never gets hurt or become so healed, expanded and spiritually evolved that nothing can touch you.
But to become a woman who is fully available to her own life. Who can receive the love, the wealth, the pleasure, the joy and the extraordinary possibilities that are here. Without needing guarantees about everything that might happen tomorrow.
The goal was never to avoid another broken heart.
The goal was to become the kind of woman who would keep choosing life anyway.
All of it. With an open heart and both feet firmly on the ground. ❤️
What if you're ready for all of you?
If you've been feeling that something in your life is asking you to open, to move beyond the ways you've protected yourself, and to become fully available for the love, success and life you know is possible...I'd love to invite you into a private day with me.
A beautiful, spacious experience devoted entirely to you. Your heart, your body, your desires, your next chapter, and everything that's asking to be felt, loved and welcomed along the way.
Not to fix you or to push you into another version of yourself. But to make room for ALL of you, including the woman you're becoming.
And if a private day isn't where you want to begin, or you'd simply love to experience a little of my work first, I've recorded a free womb healing audio to help you reconnect with your body and your own inner wisdom.
Explore the full series
This is part 3 of a three-part series on self-trust, grief, love and learning to live fully when everything you thought you knew has changed. If you haven’t read part 1 and/or 2, you can find them through these links:
My personal story of losing my daughter Anna Sophia and discovering how profoundly grief had changed my relationship with myself.
About the lives we might have lived, the patterns we inherited or learned, and the entirely different ways of experiencing love, success and ourselves that become possible when our reality begins to change.
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